The Calm Down Fairy We Love Weekends 11/04/14

The Calm Down Fairy has been a regular visitor to our home in recent weeks.  As I have posted before Peakles is quite tall for her age and she is witty, clever and feisty.  She does not look three and does not act like a three-year old.  Although she celebrates her 4th birthday in June – she acts more like some of the children who will be five in September.

Playing in a home made den

This has caused us some problems at home and when we are out and about.  It usually happens when she is tired or bored.  Peakles then acts like her true age, she has tantrums, is defiant and pushes the boundaries by stamping her feet and shouting.  She also finds it difficult to calm down when she loses her temper and this can end up with her actually becoming very distressed and upset.  To someone who does not know Peakles, she appears to be a naughty five-year old not a three-year old having tantrums.

Making Reindeer Food

When I have been out with Peakles I have had people stand and stare, or strangers tutting and raising their eyes all of which I can shrug off.  However, it is their comments either directed at me or even worse directed at Peakles that I find unhelpful, unnecessary and upsetting.

So what to do?  Well first I have stopped apologising for her.  For us.  If anyone says anything I just ignore them or say she is three.  I have firmly asked strangers not to tell her she is a ‘naughty girl’ or that she ‘needs a smacked bottom’ or that they will ‘call the policeman’ (it doesn’t help and I don’t want her thinking she is a naughty child that should be beaten or that she should be scared of the police).

Angel wings

Next we have a special fairy who helps Peakles!  She is called the Calm Down Fairy and she appears when children need help to calm down!  Just by talking about the Calm Down Fairy or saying ‘shhhh can you hear that?  I think the Calm Down Fairy is singing!’ can be enough of a distraction to help defuse the situation.  Peakles has responded well to this and I often hear her talking to her toys about the Calm Down Fairy.  This special fairy has also taught Peakles some basic relaxation techniques which has helped too.

We have a Calm Down Fairy Chart which I have made from an unused family wall calendar – we look at simple things such as putting her own clothes on, not talking when someone is on the phone, to take turns and so on.

Calm Down Fairy Chart - Detail

Every week she gets a small treat if she has tried really hard and at the end of each month she gets a large treat.  We are into our third month and it seems to be going well. Oh and praising good behaviour is paramount!

A Gift from the Calm Down Fairy

We look forward to going out more and the more we go out the more positive we are and the more positive experiences we have, the more we want to go out!

Finally we have our Calm Down Fairy stars which are Bach’s Rescue Remedy chewy stars.  These are for children over the age of two and can be found in various health food stores.  We do not use these all the time as I don’t want her to think they are a reward for her behaviour, but sometimes just giving her a star can calm things down.

I’m not an expert and I would never claim to be one but this is just something that seems to be working for our family at the moment!

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What to do with the children

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28 thoughts on “The Calm Down Fairy We Love Weekends 11/04/14

  1. Someone actually told your child they should have their bottom spanked? Well done you, I would have lost my rag on that one!! I think the calm down fairy sounds like a fab idea :)

  2. This sounds like a brilliant idea. My son gets over excited and very noisy sometimes which can set off our daughter and cause complete chaos! Might have to try something like this!

  3. Some people should just mind their own business and keep their unhelpful comments to themselves! Practically every small person I know has at least the occasional tantrum. Sounds as though your tips are really working – they’re very well-thought-through.

  4. I find comments like that come from a different generation, but you do see the eyerolls and the tuts from others.

    I thankfully don’t have to deal with tantrums any more, but I do remember them well, and also remembering ignoring others around me – strangers who know squat about the situation.

    Kids can really wind themselves up and get so upset and distressed and the calm down fairy sounds like a wonderful idea x

  5. What a wonderful idea and a great way of thinking. People can be so judgemental without knowing the facts! I love the idea of the calm down fairy and I think I will be keeping this in mind x

  6. Loving the idea of the calm down fairy. My just 9yo still tantrums (although not outside the home anymore thankfully) but not sure a fairy would help her these days. I well remember the tuts and looks in the supermarket – although I did also get positive comments on occasions. #blogclub

  7. Love your idea of the calm down fairy! What a beautiful solution!
    My 6 year old still needs help calming down when she is super tired and gets upset. We usually work on taking deep breaths, but I think I’ll ask her next time if she hears the calm down fairy…

  8. Sounds like you’re doing a great job and the calm down fairy is a great idea. I’m glad you’ve stopped apologising too x x

  9. I can’t believe some people could be so rude as to tell your daughter she is naughty or needs to be spanked! Whether she’s 3 or 5 or whatever, that’s not their business! I love how you’re handling it though – a calm-down fairy sounds like a great idea!

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  11. An interesting way to do a reward chart – we have similar issues with D’s behaviour on occasion but he is a small three, so we don’t get comments – I’d go mad if we did – how rude of people to presume they can pass comment.

  12. Like you, my three-year-old is on the tall side and would easily pass for a five-year-old. I’m not sure she’d give two hoots about the Calm Down Fairy, the Tooth Fairy, or even Father Christmas when she’s in a rolling boil, but I’ll give it a try :-)

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